Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts

Friday, February 28

another spring semester

so far, this corner of the world has felt abnormally like spring for the past eight weeks, save for two days of snow-dust several weeks ago. everyone is dreading how dry and fire-prone the whole area is going to be through the summer. let us hope we have a few good monsoons in store at some point. please?

eight weeks since classes started means that half the semester is over by now. but I can still blog about a new semester even when it's halfway over, right? why not?

there isn't much to say. this semester is basically a repeat of two years' ago's with only minor updates. one section of Technical Report Writing (this time with extra usability and UX flavoring), one section of The Art and History of Podcasts (quite a bit improved since my first semester teaching it), and plenty of other academic work on top of the usual teaching: meetings galore, emails that should not be so draining to read and write and manage, various professional development adventures, research and writing of my own in small snippets.

I enjoy this teaching career, such as it has become for me, because it involves so much learning. or at least I always used to think so and say so. am I still learning anything? am I still enchanted by the process of stretching my brain in new directions, of finding little corners of wonder amongst all the mundanity of things, like it seems I always used to be? well yes. mostly yes. students and colleagues say things all the time that make me think new thoughts and appreciate new things. their questions and my questions often join forces in pretty excellent ways. it's fun.

novelty seems rarer, these days, though. there is a lot of sameness, and it feels far too easy to let the sameness subsume everything else. do older brains prefer more sameness, I wonder? or does accumulation of experience just mean that any novelty we find is easier to handwave away as not-really-that-interesting-after-all-actually-kind-of-just-like-that-other-thing-I-already-know-about? or maybe our comprehensive eyesight starts to fade somehow, rendering us less able to appreciate shining novelty even when it's just as plentiful as ever?

I'm not sure. 

what is new and notable for me lately?

with enough time and energy, and given a wide ranging definition of "notable," I could list so many things. an onslaught of information from news and social media and instant messages. knee-jerk reactions and opinions and maybes in response to all of it. the absurd loveliness of a few calm, rich summery days in February. bundles of anticipation accompanying sprouts and buds and new greenery underneath dried leaves. earlier sunrises and later sunsets. a recent trip for work to Albuquerque, including a not-for-work visit to this cute new fiber arts shop. (I bought 300g of a wool/viscose blend called "crumpet tweed." awesome name, eh?)

also, 'tis the season for (a perhaps ridiculous amount of) excitement about the tournament of books. it starts next week!

I've read only four of this year's contestants (which is four more than I usually manage to read before the opening rounds): 

The Book of Love, by Kelly Link

James, by Percival Everett

The Wedding People, by Alison Espach

and Beautyland, by Marie-Helene Bertino

I read them in that order, because that is the order in which the library served them to me--three in nice new hardcovers and one (The Wedding People) as a short and sweet audiobook. now that I've finished Beautyland, I really need to relisten to the So Many Damn Books episode about it

do I have a favourite? do I hope one of these four wins? it's hard to say. James and Beautyland have the most depth, I think; I read them both quickly and could see myself reading them again someday. the other two were excellently enchanting to me though, and both The Wedding People and The Book of Love delighted me with their neat and just-twisty-enough plots. 

but I don't like to make predictions. if I fill out a tournament bracket in the next six days it will be as random as anything might be, and I will not be attached at all to the idea of my random picks matching up with the true official judgements.

let's just see what happens next.

Sunday, January 19

moments and years

I missed the chance to commemorate the true birthday of this little blog, last Monday. but today, January 19, 2025, marks exactly 20 years since the first actual, fully-fledged post: a response to our first key reading assignment about webdesign and such.

what a different world. such a different place it was. or maybe twenty years ago wasn't so very different, and it only seems so because I and my perspective have changed so much since then. 

what happens if I stitch together a few snippets from all the blogged Januaries of each year since 2005? what new montage will spill into this digital page in between them all?

I tried my best to pull from sections nearest to the 13th and 19th of the month (a thing much easier to do from the posts before 2014ish, when the apex of graduate school + its aftermath slowed down my writing here so much).

what I notice amongst these snippets and what you notice will be different, I imagine. I notice the unending pulse of learning and academia. books and thoughts chasing each other in circles. comments about the weather seem to sit neatly in the background with questions of identity and all its tangly unspooling. these words always have been for me more than anything. does all this pontificating from past amelia still sound like useful advice? mostly yes, I think. but I would say that, wouldn't I?

2006

the fact that energy is behind it all is somehow unifying. simple

...

linguistic structures will be a low-key class. it is full of people i don't see in my other classes. the other english majors. non tech writing people: the lit majors, the teaching majors. it's weird.

2007

get used to the fear and the doubt. get used to being faced with new facets of your own ignorance. get used to the pain. embrace humility. you can't always feel in control.

but really, how comforting is that?

I don't know. I'd take humility over false confidence anyday. but then the humble rarely get much respect.

2008-2009 (a pause.)

2010

the world is big.

there's a lot going on in it. even in this mostly empty house, there's me sitting at the table, typing, stretching a bit of CSS out over a half-built website skeleton, scribbling a few what-ifs, listening to Radiohead. and I made banana nut muffins this morning.

2011

in the beginning, this blog was just a place for all my first impressions--all my doubts and worries about the usefulness or meaningfulness of all the stuff I was learning. after that semester, I decided to keep blogging--mainly about writing (Starcustard and random short stories), school (rhetoric, more webdesign, and Isotope), and life (philosophical thoughts about my job, vague complaints about boys, and so forth). and so it continued. I'm still here. I still blog.

...

what do those stories say about me?

I'm thinking about all the texture of my life. all the patterned and patternless history I've collected so far. telling stories is one way to remember it. and on the other hand... telling and retelling and re-remembering these stories is one way to completely revise the past. after a few months or years, it becomes easy to bend the details. to emphasize the funny parts. to leave out the things that make you look like a bit of an idiot.

how I envision myself is pretty complicated, I guess. perspective is weirdly limited like that.

2012

 

which we am I talking about, anyway? and when? and where? 

2013

it may not make any huge difference in the long run, but even so, the ultimate pointlessness of things should not be dragged up as an excuse for us to stay in bed all day. at least not more than once or twice a year, anyway, right?

2014

this seemingly misnamed semester will inch along to spring in due course. and when that happens, finals and stress will no doubt prevent me from enjoying it as thoroughly as I could, but for now... well for now, the semester is glowing with warm, cozy pillows full of insight and excitement. this might be the best January ever.

2015

I have spent much (but not enough) of this long, mostly-pleasant weekend sitting by the window, trying to focus on readings for classes. 

.... 2015 is here, still all new-feeling. gradually we'll get to see both how it changes my life and how it doesn't.

2016

today it is raining in spurts, like a chilly and unkempt spring. Tuesday's snow is long since melted. it'll be back this weekend. the universe is giving us yo-yo-ing seasons, somewhat drab all the way through, with occasional bright sunset smudges.

the trees are bare. my apartment windows open onto more distant views than they did in summer and fall. at night, more and more streetlights perpetually leak into my bedroom under the edges of the blinds. I notice the faces of buildings I have never seen from such an angle before.

2017

it's empowering to reflect on the background structure of your whole life. to actively participate and acknowledge your role in either accepting/reinforcing or resisting/revising the culture you swim in. and that seems important. that's what it takes to make all of that power and structure more open-book, more readable, more transparent and less like a vice.

2018

if I had the brainpower on this Friday evening to make some additional academicalish comments on how these beautifully-commentated marble races and our fascination with them could link up interestingly with some of the tenets of object-oriented ontology, I would. but I don't know all that much about object-oriented ontology myself, and should probably not let it distract me much more than the Marblelympics already have from writing up nicely finished dissertation chapters about digital ethnography and distributed commons-based peer-production and what that all may mean for technical communication and human culture and such.

2019

and then the speaker said something about facebook hopefully having a major role in someday establishing some kind of global online government. after that, according to my notes, I typed out this:

"eeeeek."

does the world want and need to be connected by a central online platform, really? is the capitalist interest that facebook has in being the medium by which everyone is connected anything we can trust?

2020

all this potent potential meaning curled up in to hold. and then there are all these phrasal verbs, too: hold back, hold up, hold out, hold off, hold against, beholden to...

to be held as a parent holds a young baby is to be safe. comfortable. cared for. right?

to be held is also to be restrained. controlled. and to be restrained isn't usually considered comfortable, though... right?

or is it?

2021

and when I listened to this recent episode of So Many Damn Books with George Saunders I felt more affinity for Saunders's love of teaching writing than perhaps I might once have felt. his advice is to remember that you're never just teaching 20-somethings who barely know what to do with their adulthood when you meet them-- you're also teaching the 40-something-year-olds that they'll become. I like that. (not all college students are 20-somethings, but the concept holds. we are all humans-in-progress.)

2022

why does this small saga of knitting woe and triumph deserve documentation in this little blog of mine? I don't know if there's an answer, other than my typical interest in capturing bits of experience and emotion in as vivid and accurate description as I can. I like to write these vignettes of where and when and how, with all the metaphor and adjectives they need to vibrate satisfyingly from my imagination to yours.

2023

I trust that learning is happening, little by little, in all of our spongey-curious brains.

2024

January, perhaps fittingly, seems so very long. all the transitions it spans-- all the shifting, deepening of the dark season, the post-holiday recoveries, the shiny new beginnings of a calendar year and of an academic semester-- all of that is a lot for 31 average winter days.

I don't know if it really did feel longer for me this year, or if I'm only saying that because it seems like an appropriate thing to sigh into this semi-bleak and impermanent world.

- - -

and now what? do I still blog? 

time will tell. if you'll indulge me, I have one more excerpt, this time from May of 2014, when so much of me was so unsettled and rearranging itself and I clung to my love of writing as if nothing else mattered:

from time to time I wonder what it is I'm trying to do here. does it matter what I'm trying to do here? I write. our reasons for enjoying things are seemingly inarticulable. is there irony in that? I claim that words can make everything better. is that true even when the words crumble into meaninglessness as they fail at encompassing feelings? do I mean that even crumbled words are worth something?

yes. crumbled and halfhearted attempts at capturing it all still beats blank silence. I know only so much stuff fits into one life. there are only so many live possibilities. this is the way it needs to be, I guess. but the way everything is carved up now isn't how it'll always need to be carved. our crumbled communications don't stand still; they change.

.... and even if I can't really say I know exactly what writing means, I can try to explain what I like about my practice of it.

I like the pausing and sifting through potential descriptions and the shuffling of parts of speech. I like the dancing of clauses and punctuation and space. I like the starts and stops and backtracking, the meandering fragments that stretch so subtly for their finish. I like the way these little symbols can twist and mold intangible thoughts into a dozen differently shaded shapes. I like unknotting a tangly draft, picking out the pieces that don't belong and pulling away each piece that does, tidying it all into a hopefully-clean curl of interesting prose. sometimes I save the scraps for later. sometimes I can't. .... I write for the writing's sake. I sketch and wonder and experience plenty of other things for the same reason. they don't have to be means to some other end, these creative processes. maybe all the best things are their own ends, or at least neatly wrapped around something like one.

after twenty years, does this blog count as art? as an end in itself?

doesn't matter. it's here. I'm here. for now.

Friday, October 18

bunny vs. fence

the other day, this lengthy stretch of fencing (branded nicely enough with so much black, white, and red to represent the construction company Sundt, whose slogan seems to be three standalone words, "Skill. Grit. Purpose.") went up all along the drive that goes between my academic office building and various parking lots between here and places off-campus.

I'm told that they'll be building a new dormitory somewhere on top of the rocky, scrub-filled gully on the other side. it'll have more student housing and more classroom space. so cool. so necessary. 

some of us in my academic office building are mildly worried that this new construction will block our most excellent west-facing views of Granite Mountain. we shall see, I guess. I remain hopeful that the slope of this gully will mean the top of the new dorm will be low enough for us to look over from our third floor offices.

as I walked back out from my office to my car last Tuesday, I noticed a little grey-brown bunny frantically searching for a way through the fence, up and down the hill in short bursts, back and forth over the blaring red curb, every so often sprinting for its life all the way across the road back to the unfenced rocks and bushes to the east.

I watched it for a solid few minutes. it hopped away in panic from my slowed footsteps, then dashed in further panic across the path of someone's big white SUV driving up past us both. 

I didn't see the bunny come back that evening. so I studied the fencing as I walked. surely one little bunny would eventually find a gap to squeeze under, I thought. (the creatures seem to squeeze through pretty tiny gaps in our back garden gate, after all.)

if the chainlink were bare of this black branded tarp, then could a little bunny more easily get through? or if the corners of each fence panel were less square and more rounded, that would surely help.

I wonder if any of the planners and facilities and maintenance people worried about the impact of this construction project would have on the non-human critters in the area. hopefully at least a little bit. probably not as much as they worried about other aspects though-- the costs of labor and fencing and other materials; the design and the blueprints and the building's whole physical footprint; and the timing and logistics and how soon they can start selling spots in the new dorm.

at the bottom of the hill, the fence merely ends,. for now. the sidewalks remain open and the parking lots in regular use. for now. if the bunnies are persistent enough, they will find their way back into their hideaways in the scrub-filled gully. 

and hopefully they will all find new hideaways once the gully is dug out and filled with a bunch of concrete and whatever else dormitories are made of.

and if not?

they're just bunnies. some of their cousins, whichever side of whichever fence they've ended up on, will replace them soon enough.

Thursday, September 12

fall semester, 2024

the word semester shows up in at least 130 of my past blogposts, which is a little more than 10% of all the posts I've thus far posted. considering that this little blog has always been roughly half focused on various academic and intellectual pursuits, this makes plenty of sense. semesters are like seasons.

the word itself is not even 200 years old, the etymology dictionary tells me: "...semenstris 'of six months, lasting six months, half-yearly, semi-annual,' from assimilated form of sex 'six' (see six) + mensis "month" (see moon (n.)). The word, and the idea, were picked up in the U.S., where the German higher education system served as a model."

apparently the Latin-y adjective forms semestral and semestrial are a few centuries older. interesting. 

anyway, I'm glad our semesters are not a full six months long these days. four months is plenty. 

and for these upcoming four months, I'm teaching three batches of students, including a few repeats from past semesters. the longer I hang out at this institution, the more that will keep happening I suppose.

COM 221: Technical Report Writing
counting the two sections I have this semester, I've taught practically a million versions of this course (okay, 15 total sections. that is still a lot). it's becoming a bit of a struggle to not get completely burnt out and bored of it, but I'm doing my best to keep it interesting for me. we're only in week 3, so I'm still getting to know the vibe of the students. we'll have some fun together I hope though.

HU 356: Audio Production & Podcasting
this one is going to be interesting no matter what-- it's a brand new class, only recently outlined and designed and proposed by me for our catch-all Humanities & Communication department. I am pretty excited to see how this goes. so far I'm having students practice various little audio recording tasks, then we'll level up to remixing all those clips into some fun story-arc, before finally moving on to pitching and workshoping individual podcast projects. the students all have great ideas so far. (wish me luck persuading the one who simply wants to copy Mr. Rogan's insufferably long-winded (at least it is to me) format into doing something at least slightly more inventive.)


what else? I signed up for a weaving class next month. some family is visiting next week. we have some more camping planned for during fall break. we're having a brand new screen door installed sometime soon. and our Monday evening D&D group is on the brink of moving up to level 8. in November, our crazy puppy will turn 1 year old.

at some point we should work on the mish-mash garden projects and other household tasks that need doing. and eventually figure out our holiday plans. 

or maybe we let go of shoulds for a while and enjoy the almost-autum while it's here.

Saturday, September 7

unknown or reknown

thinking about my grandmother lately, off and on, I sometimes puzzle over how close and also how distant she seems. her birthday is coming up in a few days.


this painting (well, this print of a painting) hung over grandma's nice upright piano for as long as I could remember. and now it hangs in my office/craft room/guest room. 

I feel so grateful to have inherited this art, and I do not care one bit that it is a relatively commonplace mass reproduction. the light and shadow and movement of it say something-- something too immediate for words. I don't think my sense of this is just nostalgia, though there are indeed decades of memories sprinkled on whenever I look at it. 

today I looked up the name and artist engraved on the little plaque, for the first time. Moonlight Sea. Peter Ellenshaw. he did a lot of these beautifully peaceful ocean horizon paintings, apparently. prints like mine seem to have been pretty popular in the '50s and '60s. 

before then, Ellenshaw also worked as a matte artist for plenty of old films, inncluding 1959's Darby O'Gill and the Little People and Mary Poppins too. did grandma know that, I wonder? I only know it because the internet and Wikipedia exist at my fingertips. 

but I'm sure my grandma had so many other ways of knowing things. 

it's funny what our brains remember or don't. or think we remember. 

this grandmother was the first person to wink at me, as far as I recall. the full conspiratorial meaning of it was likely lost on me as a child, but it felt fun and silly and made the moment into a story. 

my other memories of grandma are a montage of bright and faded. so many quilts for the chilly basement bedrooms. green grass and a clothesline. frozen whole wheat waffles. cereal on the top shelf of a gaping deep dark pantry. sitting on the cement steps for photographs. plastic toys on a thick, round, stripey rug. and her voice piping up if anyone looked at any corner of that piano--a little raspy but bright and cheerfully insisting-- 'play us a tune, won't you?' 

and usually someone would. 

perhaps the strongest, deepest memory I have of that house, just a stride or two left from the piano and its painting, is the narrow closet full of toys and games and books (among them, this old woven fairytale). 

maybe the closet still has books and toys in it. newer ones, if any. the whole house looks hugely different now from how it did when I was young. there are no photos of the closets in the listing... but a closet of games and books for visiting tourists could make sense, couldn't it? 

I find myself wishing that I knew more about what my grandmother thought of this painting. where did she get it? was it bought, or a gift? did she see the same things in it I think I see? would she have better words for its movement and shadow and light?

she would have been 96 this autumn. 

if I live that long, I'll get at least 56 more autumns (hopefully, anyway. I hope I always live somewhere with a proper autumn.)

.

in other news, there are twenty standard weeks until this little blog turns 20 years old.

and then what?

Wednesday, January 31

goodbye, January

since the eve of 2024 one month ago, it feels like so much has happened. some of it too fast, too soon, too painfully. 

the grief of losing the first little doggo that I ever really shared my longterm day-to-day life with... I cannot describe it. as much as I'd like to keep trying to, the feeling altogether and gargantuanly transcends words. the whole experience is impossible to talk about in any satisfying, accurate, indubitable way. "losing"? "letting go"? that we "had to" say goodbye? what kind of stupid, broken euphemism circus is this? everything about our language-cloaked expressions of such pain just feels utterly inadequate.

pine trees silhouetted against a morning sky: blue above white above orange glowing above the mountain horizon
{ I suppose we can't have sunrises without some sunsets. }

a happy pug, white fur with darker ears and nose, his mouth open as if smiling for the camera
{ and nothing lasts forever; dog-years are too extra short. }

it is probably irrational to think no one else could ever know what I mean, even if the words and metaphors feel so flimsy. it's not like I'm the only person to ever experience this sort of sadness. nor is this the first unexpected loss in my life. but it has been the closest and the sharpest. so far.

on new year's day I wrote something about how the world (a world so embroiled in hate and genocides and ugly senseless conflict!) is an absolutely crushingly horrific mess, how my heart hurts and hurts and hurts, and how this loss seems to prefigure and to threaten-- or, even more, to promise-- every other inevitable loss I will ever have to face for as long as I live.

it's one thing to philosophically observe, in general, that nothing can last forever. okay. of course. to confront and deeply feel it-- specifically-- as one solitary ending to the life of a inimitably cuddly goofy fuzzy little domesticated animal... that is different.

other aspects of this January were plenty normal, whatever that means. most of my activities seem to come with rather suitable words with which to sketch them into sharable imagery: going to bed early and sleeping in. checking out library books. reading and ignoring and sorting and replying to emails. seeing friends. enduring snow and rain and cold. demonstrating crafts at the museum. putting birdseed in the feeder in the backyard. talking with family on the phone. eating quiche. drinking tea. making soup. needing a haircut but not yet ever managing to go out and get my hair cut. sweeping the floor. running errands. craving hot chocolate. writing lists and syllabi and assignment sheets. spending money. making things. existing. 

{ eclipse shadows from October, 2023. Wesley's last weekend camping trip with us. }

sure, nothing lasts forever. change is nature. this too shall pass: all of these phrasings alternatingly as full of solace as they are of tragedy, representative of a fact more solid than perhaps any other so-called fact. death and endings are, from one point of view, more normal, more mundane, more irrefutable than any of the other relatively comfortable, unassuming, smoothly proceeding lifestuff I might casually document and remember about this particular month of the year. that's what feels so difficult and impossible about it.

the vortex of this heartache felt immeasurable, indescribably vast and infinite, from the inside. 

even so, from a day or two or ten beyond, it begins to shrink and fade. all future moments frame it into something more manageable.

but again the words seem to balk and fail me. "manage"? is that what we are meant to do with these feelings? this grief? is that actually possible? the stringy, endless paradoxes curl up inside of each other, confounding my basic little human brain with ineffability.

{ classic pug-under-the-table photo, new year's eve 2023 }

January, perhaps fittingly, seems so very long. all the transitions it spans-- all the shifting, deepening of the dark season, the post-holiday recoveries, the shiny new beginnings of a calendar year and of an academic semester-- all of that is a lot for 31 average winter days.

I don't know if it really did feel longer for me this year, or if I'm only saying that because it seems like an appropriate thing to sigh into this semi-bleak and impermanent world. 

one month ago, as the cold moon began to wane and the spinning earth began to tilt just barely back towards the sun, our little old dog ate his last breakfast and went on his last stumbling walk and took one final car ride, sitting on my lap. I only knew him for half his life. I wasn't sure if I'd get along with such a beast at first. but we did get along, so well. I loved that pug and I'm glad he was here to share so much of the too-short day-to-day of my life for a while.

Friday, October 20

here there be dragons

opening match #8: Shadowrun 5e vs A Song of Ice and Fire 

this final opening round match-up review one has taken me a bunch of extra time for many reasons, firstly being that our mini-campaign of A Song of Ice and Fire spanned 5 whole weeks, plus a delay or two and a good session zero. thank you very much to friend Caroline for joining in on that game-- it was a most intriguing whirlwind of an adventure!

secondly and thirdly: I had been rather intimidated and hesitant about grappling with the notoriously labyrinthine Shadowrun book again. and I am a tad busier now than I was in August.

I last played Shadowrun many years ago now-- 2018ish I suppose? we and some friends ran through a short 3-session arc once in Indiana and once again in Louisiana; both were quite fun. and since 2019 I've been a fan of a narrative podcast performance version of Shadowrun called Fun City. it's good stuff. Mike Rugnetta is awesome, as are his roleplaying friends, and their voices plus marvelous sound design all come together to make the system look impressively manageable, somehow. (sidenote: I also found their Float City story arc, a pandemic side project using the indie RPG system Stillfleet, extra extra cool. someday I may need to check out Stillfleet properly. I notice it calls itself "grimdark," too. interesting.)

anyway, along with all that in-person and vicarious storytelling fun, I remembered Shadowrun being supremely complicated and overwhelming. it took me a while to work up the energy to face it again with a (hopefully, sort of, somewhat) more open mind.

the A Song of Ice and Fire RPG, conversely, was totally new. I've watched the HBO show (much thanks to all the friends who ever shared their HBO subscriptions and/or couches and homes to facilitate that endeavor), read three of the Game of Thrones books, and this past summer we watched House of the Dragon, too. there is much about Mr. Martin's world that is utterly vivid and iconic. I'd say it deserves its fame. Jeremiah and I were excited to have this tournament as an excuse to actually try out the RPG system based on it all.

once more I've kept the same outline of sorts for this review: a tidy table of metadata, summaries of the few characters I've made in each system, and then thoughts on their aesthetics, mechanics, approachability, and preliminary(ish) judgements.

SYSTEM           
Shadowrun (5e) A Song of Ice and Fire 
tagline = "Everything Has a Price" 
"Adventure, war, and intrigue in George R.R. Martin's World of Westeros"
publisher =
Catlyst Game Labs
Green Ronin Publishing
pub. date =
2019 2014
cost =
$59.99 $49.95
length =
11 major sections
/ 496 pages
13 chapters
/ 320 pages
my exp. level =           
some

none prior



previous characters

sadly, I have very thin memories of my two prior Shadowrun characters. both appeared in different renditions of "Mr. Sandman vs. the Dragon," Jeremiah's tried and true 3-session adventure. and I know both were riggers, created as such on recommendation from my husband GM, for the sake of that character type's relative simplicity.

one was named Kitza and I think her character sheet is kicking around somewhere in a box... likely buried beyond any easy reference. the other was a dwarf, I think? maybe named Pablo... or something like that? I remember something about some family of his being trafficked by a megacorporation and somehow, for better or for worse, were able to crawl free from a shipping container on some crowded docks at the end of the story. maybe. 

all in all, not much to reminisce about here. onward to the fun new stuff!

new characters

when I (finally) got around to re-reading Shadowrun and wading through its differently-unique character creation system, I came up with a mystic adept half-inuit half-Japanese elf chick named Ingyaka. she's sort of secret agent-y in my imagination-- like a stealthy, nature-loving, spirit-whipsering Jason Bourne or something. since we didn't plan a Shadowrun one-shot for this tournament, I have no idea how she'd show up in actual gameplay, and indeed I confess that I called her finished enough once I'd chosen her many magic spells. the tedium of figuring out what gear and eqiupment to purchase with even just six thousand nuyen (6000¥)--the lowest amount you can possibly start with-- didn't seem necessary just to write about it for this review.

-

character creation in A Song of Ice and Fire is much less an individual affair than it is in most other RPG systems where one expects to play as a member of an adventuring party. in this particular game, players first collaborate in creating a noble house-- perhaps one as great and powerful as the Starks or the Baratheons, or perhaps one of lesser renown, one bowing at the feet of some grander pillar of Westerosi history. ours was built along these lines-- a smaller house under the protection of and bound by honor to the great and wealthy Lannisters.

we called ourselves House Portayne, a wealthy house ruling an island of silver mines just off the west coast of the Reach, south of the Iron Islands. Caroline primarily played Lady Alasta Portayne, and I primarily played her second-born child, Tobytha. we had some input on the Lord (the chaste and humble Elrin Portayne) and other children (an older brother, Ethon, and a younger girl, Joryssa), as well as some side characters associated with the family. together we came up with a name and some basic info for our family's maester, Maester Bridon (hailing from house Wylde). later on, for my second official character, I created Gwenna Fallside, a rough castle guard who quickly earns the family's trust and becomes castellan of Silverfont Castle. for a few highly intense B-plot scenes inbetween the primary roleplaying action, Caroline and I played as Gwenna and the Maester. one of us may have gotten forcibly tossed out of a tower window to their death. very Game-of-Thones-y, isn't it? the B-plots were all very neat, adding to the deep and expansive feel of the game. 

our mini-campaign was set to span the reigns of Aegon the Conqueror and Maegor the Cruel, and we knew ahead of time that House Portayne would not survive. it turned out that we were all utterly doomed to be poisoned by jealous Lannisters and chased down by pirates trying to escape the inevitable seige of our island. little Joryssa did grow up and get married off to a son of House Reed, so maybe she and her line will survive to remember her origins. exploring the long-ago past of the Song of Ice and Fire universe like this was incredibly cool, even if all evidence of our House was hopelessly erased in the end.

aesthetics

these two games both come with quite intricate worlds-- one explicitly grown from the richly detailed, sprawling civilizations in Martin's novels and the other from the remix of almost everything else a person could want to tell a story about. both are alternate versions of something like western civilization, in a way. in A Song of Ice and Fire, we have an alternate history of European geopolitical conflicts, with zombies and magic and dragons and extra murder on top. in Shadowrun, it's an alternate near-future, with ruthless megacorporations and magic and dragons and cyberpunks all the way down. 

A Song of Ice and Fire, as an RPG system, seems to me like a vast, ornate, and orderly library of fairly traditional fantasy ideas-- spacious yet organized, and more or less tidy. it may have dozens of secret passages and a skeleton or two hidden in the corners, but generally it's presentable and logical, even if there's a lot going on. its illustrations have a soft realism, not lacking in the violence you'd expect from this particular setting, but lit by torches and candles so it all seems not quite mundane, but not quite so shocking or garish either. the book's design feels monestarial, with a tinge of rennaissance, maybe a little bit fancy-Shakespearean on the edges. there is a lot of all-caps, angular and serifed, strong and delicate at the same time, perfectly high contrast and comfortable to skim through.

conversely, the Shadowrun system feels like a massive kitchen sink full of influences. some of the art reminds me of Paul Kidby's style, which does seem fitting somehow (he's the artist who illustrated plenty of Terry Pratchett's work). other pages and spreads are more evocative of comic book and/or videogame art. like I said-- it is a mishmash. in a good way.

if this system were a physical room it would be a somewhat grimy, mostly abandoned, very magical attic full of random knickknacks, old photo albums, broken electronics, weird porcelain figurines, and wildly colorful posters, all collected over many decades and now surrounded by a tangled sea of wires and cables and spikes and jewelry. it's got all the neon-and-fishnets and glossy high-tech punk style of Cyberpunk mixed in with an animistic spookiness. we could say Pathfinder and Mage and Werewolf got put in a compost heap with all the other urban, cyberpunk techno-fantasies you've ever heard of, and Shadowrun is what crawled out, dripping with lightning and breathing fire. here, orcs and elves and magic and machines coexist with normality just like anything else that ever might have evolved on the planet Earth.

funnily enough, dragons and dragon imagery show up far more prevalently in the Shadowrun book-- little tattoo-ish line-art dragon symbols glow red in the bottom corners of every page, next to blocky page numbers and footer text-- than in A Song of Ice and Fire. Shadowrun gives us 8 lines of index entries under "dragon(s)," whereas "dragon" doesn't even show up as a unique entry in A Song of Ice and Fire's (much shorter) index; over there we only see Dragonbone, Dragonglass, and Dragonstone. that's interesting, eh? what if we wanted to play Targaryens?

mechanics

summing up the game mechanics and rules for these two isn't going to be easy. but I'll do my best. at least they have one wonderfully simple thing in common: rolling a bunch of d6s all at once based on your rating(s) in whatever skill.

for character creation, Shadowrun gives you 5x5 grid of options, across which to prioritize various character elements: metatype, attribute points, skill points, magic abilities, and extra funds for gear/equipment. for each column, you can only choose from the options included at one of the 5 priority levels. 

the Shadowrun priority table, a 5x5 grid labeled horizontally with character elements and vertically with priority levels A through E
{ the Shadowrun 5e priority table. choose one option per priority level A-E }
 

within the basic constraints of those priorities, you'll then assign ratings to 8 core attributes, a few derived stats (Edge, Essence, and Magic) that I still don't totally understand very well, and however many relevant skills you can afford. and good gracious it seems like there is an almost infinite list of skills. the actual rules even allow for making up your own skills if you find that the pre-written lists don't fit what you want to do. so how's that for flexible? if your character uses magic, a you'll also take a magic ability rating and choose some related skills and spells. there are plenty of spells to choose from, too, and they can be learned in any order.

finishing touches for your character will involve choosing qualities and spending some of the 25 Karma you start with. Shadowrun qualities work kind of like the advantages, merits, and flaws in World of Darkness-- adding positive qualities costs you a few Karma, but adding negative qualities (like addiction, a bad reputation, etc.) can earn you some of it back. Karma is one way you'll level up as your game progresses, so you don't have to spend it all at character creation, but you have to spend at least some. 

once gameplay gets going, it's pretty action focused. the whole concept of Shadowrun is that you and your party get hired as Shadowrunners-- fairly unscrupulous folks taking on dangerous semi-legal jobs on the fringes of society, hoping to get away with it every time, earn an excellent reputation, and rake in millions of nuyen (¥ = the currency of this particular dystopian future). no matter how sneaky you might be, things are bound to go wrong.

combat works using very short "combat turns" of 3 seconds each, during which each player acts according to their initiative score. for some reason, there are also 6 types of initiative depending on what kind of combat is going on-- are we in the real world, or in the matrix, or in the astral plane somewhere? the various initiative options provide different numbers of d6s, so you'll roll that number of initiative dice, add your initiative attribute rating, and that total is your initiative score. whoever has the highest score goes first, and so on, til the end of the round. then everyone subtracts 10 from their score, and those who still have a positive number can act again.

actions are divided up into free actions, simple actions, complex actions, and special "interrupting" actions. very Pathfinder-esque, overall. whatever the action or test, you'll add your ability and skill ratings, then roll that many d6s. a 5 or higher is a hit, and depending on the task difficulty, you'll need some number of hits to succeed. rolling a 1 means a glitch in whatever you're trying to do. and usually that's bad.

as your team completes shadowruns for all their shadowy clients, you'll earn cash rewards and Karma, with which you can then purchase more gear and any upgrades that make sense for your story, according to whatever you can afford.  character progression is all quite customizable. 

-

I've briefly mentioned the group House creation aspect of A Song of Ice and Fire already. once you've created your House, each player creates a character, either working from scratch or starting with one of the provided archetypes. the system here reminded me a lot of the Wrath & Glory character creations options, except there are more of them available. I do think having a good range of pre-made templates to which you then add your own flavor is really nice. 

I want to say the individual character sheet for A Song of Ice and Fire is one of the simplest I've ever seen. rather than attributes + skills, we just get one list of 19 abilities, nice and alphabetical all the way from Agility and Animal Handling to Healing, Languages, and Marksmanship, and on to Warfare and Will. scores for each normally start at 2 and go up from there. most abilities also come with a range of specialties (skill with a certain weapon, or a certain approach, etc.) that can grant you bonus dice on relevant rolls.

your characters' age will also play a major role in some of their other stats. younger characters have fewer points to spend on ability ratings, but more destiny points to start with. destiny points can be spent for bonus qualities, or they can be used in various ways during gameplay to add bonus dice or change the outcome of a scene in particularly dire circumstances. as your character ages, they'll gain more experience but also more flaws.

the system allows for free creative decision making with some things, but also gives you fun tables full of options to roll for with others. the dice may dictate which part of the continent your House is from, how established or respected they are, how much land, population, defense, wealth, and influence they have, and whether or not there's an heir or a maester or an army at your disposal. as your game progresses, you'll make House Fortune rolls fairly often to see how all those stats change over months and years of in-game time. this was some of the most fun we had storytelling the big picture-- coming up with the story of a new resource or alliance that could explain the increase of wealth for our House, or imagining the crimes or plagues that would explain a drastic dip in population added to the pure fun of rolling dice for the quantitative stats. 

on the smaller scene-by-scene scale, gameplay in A Song of Ice and Fire involves combining your ratings and speciality bonuses for each ability, rolling that many d6s, then adding up all the results. it's more math than just recognizing the 5+ dice as successes and ignoring the rest, but it also feels a little more dramatic that way too. even if you roll low numbers, if you're rolling enough dice, it might still add up to a success. difficulty levels range from "automatic," requiring no roll at all, or "easy," requiring at least 1, all the way up to "very hard" at 18 or "heroic," requiring a total of 21 or more.

critical successes are a thing only if your total roll when attacking is double the total of your opponent's defense. fumbles are optional, only if your game table is into the higher stakes of something unexpectedly awful happening when all your dice land on 1. 

there are some special rules and procedures for tournaments (jousting and other non-combat contests), battlefields and warfare (large-scale multi-unit combat) and intrigue (social combat in simple, standard, or complex modes)-- most of that is laid out in a pretty clear way as a reference.

for character advancement, A Song of Ice and Fire is an XP system, though you can also earn coin and status through gameplay. during our game at least, leveling up seemed a very gradual process. there are only three ways to spend XP in the book: it costs 10 to add or improve a specialty, 30 to upgrade an ability rating, and 50 to buy an additional destiny points. it seems somewhat limited (and expensive), but not inappropriately so.

 

approachability

neither of these games sits firmly in a category of those with cozy, simple RPG mechanics. beyond the nice, clean familiarity of the stalwart d6, there are layers of rules and exceptions and variations that make both systems at least a little more daunting for the average player. but with a good GM to guide you through it, the struggle can be minimized a great deal.

the first chapter in A Song of Ice and Fire is a primer on the world of Westeros. the book doesn't assume readers are intimately familiar with the world and in fact rehashes a good amount of the history, the map, and the vibes for us. there's enough here that you could get by without much prior knowledge of the books or show if you had to (though why that would ever be the case is a separate and valid question). 

I found it quite odd that the book uses SIF and SIFRP as its chosen abbreviations, rather than the ASoIaF that I've seen way more often out in the sea of internet discourse about the books. perhaps the 2009 publication of the first RPG edition pre-dated the rise of ASoIaF as the more ubiquitous acronym? or perhaps leaving out the articles and prepositions and conjunctions seemed more official? I have no idea, but so it goes. however odd it seems to me, I suppose it doesn't matter so very much.

the order of things may matter a bit more. the introductory chapters make sense enough-- setting, rules, character creation... but after that we bounce back and forth a bit-- chapters 4 and 5 go over general abilities and specialties, then destiny points and qualities. only then do we get into the chapters on house and lands, with all the procedures and tables for creating our house and determining its history and fortunes. that seems backwards, but I suppose the beautiful affordances of a codex mean we can reference any of its contents in whatever order we like. good crossreferences and wayfinding and beautiful visual hierarchy all make that easy enough, here.

if, despite my general pickiness about the ordering of things, I can forgive the A Song of Ice and Fire RPG book for a bit of wonky ordering, it appears that I (still, these five years later) cannot forgive Shadowrun for similar crimes. 

I hope I'm not belaboring the fact that Shadowrun is pretty intimidating as a book and as a system. the fact that there is so much detailed content pulled from fantasy and sci-fi means that it really ought to be handled and designed as carefully as possible for its readers... and perhaps they did their best? who knows. almost since I first touched this game book I have harbored persistent gripes about the mismatched non-parallel lists here and there and everywhere. on any given page, a trio of stats may be listed out A, B, and C, only to have the same stats or categories printed on a standard character sheet in the opposite order, or scrambled to B, A, C instead. why? for the sake of all the dragon-hoarded treasures in all the universes, why would anyone do this?

adding to that the relatively small text, plenty of jargon, and so many options for customization among various slightly-different categories and subcategories, I'd wager a brand new player would need to fall very deeply and very hard in love with this setting to want to tackle the complexity of learning the system from scratch. or maybe it just takes confidence to bend the system to your own creative will?

preliminary verdicts

Shadowrun, upon my revisiting it this past month, really was a lot cooler than I remembered it. one must appreciate its ambitious scope and uniqueness, if nothing else.

I found A Song of Ice and Fire quite unique as well. I'm less a fangirl of its base media, but I still think it's fair to say this game evokes Martin's novels just as well as The One Ring evoked Tolkien's for me.

my experience levels with both systems are pretty even here. both were fun gameplay experiences, both are interesting, and both are significantly different from some of the more popular or mainstream RPGs I've covered so far.

so... do I let my annoyance at Shadowrun's inconsistencies of arrangement knock it out in this first round?

yes. 

yes, I do. while I recognize my response to these things as (perhaps more than) a little bit nitpicky, those issues have frustrated my practical experience of the game in a real way. and it all could have been avoided with even the merest ounce of designery forethought or technical editing attention. that this version is the 5th edition makes it even less excusable. 

congratulations, A Song of Ice and Fire RPG. for what it's worth, I think most poeple would agree with me on this ruling, even if not for the same reasons.

what's next?  

I'll summarize my 8 quarterfinalists and articulate a few final reasons why they win in a recap post next week. after that, dear Jeremiah can help me match them up for a new round. since all the most extensive exploration and research has already been done, future rounds will probably involve much shorter, broad-strokes reviews for comparison purposes. ideally I'll cut 8 down to 4 before Thanksgiving, and from 4 to 2 shortly thereafter, so perhaps we'll crown a first ever TTRPG champion by the end of the semester. fingers crossed. 

and after that? I'm not sure. there are still so many more RPG books. maybe we do a tournament of expansion content, setting books-- like the new Tal'Dorei setting book I have barely looked at, or individual published campaign adventures? I could explore Stillfleet properly. Coyote and Crow surely deserves some attention. or it could be fun to invite a whole roster of judges besides little old me, but that would also involve a bunch more structure and planning and logistics. we'll see when and how anyone has time and energy for that sort of thing.

in the meantime, let me know-- how would you rank these 16 games if you were the tournament judge?

Thursday, July 13

fatefully

opening match 4: Changeling: the Lost vs Star Wars: Force and Destiny

the last few weeks have been full of traveling and sunshine, so this halfway mark of the opening round is a little later than planned. will I get through the next 4 before summer is over? hopefully yes.

I've been excited to write about these two-- they're unique, and they make an interesting pair. on one side, the first (2007) edition of White Wolf's Changeling sits in all its alluring glitter. on the other, we have the somewhat more austere yet still very colorful and fun Star Wars: Force and Destiny, from 2015.

Changeling enchants me with its concept alone. all that old lore come to life, wrapped in the shadowy politics of World of Darkness-- it seems like a perfect combination, reminiscent of the fairytale retellings and urban fantasy novels I used to love from Robin McKinley, Holly Black, Liani Taylor and the like. in writing this review I also remembered the handful of chapters I recorded for a LibriVox edition of Mr. Wirt Sikes 1880 folkloric anthropology book, British Goblins:Welsh Folk-lore, Fairy Mythology, Legends and Traditions. there are so many small and mystical stories wiggling around in the history and culture of every place humans have ever lived. the source material for anything based on fairytales is pretty infinite, I imagine.

and who doesn't love Star Wars, right? it's got equally enchanting heroism and adventure threaded grandly throughout a seemingly endless galaxy. it's a place where one might encounter shiny droids and rugged smugglers in equal measure. a chance to be part of that galaxy is gonna be pretty cool, in any case.

I've mostly followed the same outline for this match-up review: a quick table of metadata, summaries of past characters I've made in each system, thoughts on the books' aesthetics, mechanics, and approachability, and finally a note on my brand new/tournament-specific characters. the uniqueness of these two systems just seemed to warrant a discussion of mechanics before diving into details about new character concepts. and so, onward...


SYSTEM     Changeling: the Lost
Star Wars: Force and Destiny           
back cover tagline = "A storytelling game of beautiful madness."
"A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away..."
publisher =
White Wolf
Fantasy Flight Games
pub. date =
2007
2015
original cost =
$34.99 $59.95
length =
7 major sections / 349 pages
13 chapters / 444 pages
my exp. level =
some 
a bit more than some



previous characters

I've created and played two characters each from these two systems. both Changeling games were short and sweet. for one, little Synthia Starling, a birdlike young woman with a Beastly seeming in the Winter Court, explored derelict buildings and made deals with otherworldly creatures in just a couple one-on-one sessions; and then, Liv, another Beastly seeming (this time snakelike), joined up with two other lost souls to bravely infiltrate the Hedge and take down a twisted carnival ringleader. this was around Halloween time, so the short three-session game had a lovely autumn coziness mixed with spookiness underneath.

my Star Wars characters were created for longer campaigns, though the first didn't last all that long in the end. a friend in Louisiana was running a sort of mashup of Stars Without Number using templates from the Star Wars RPG books for some things. so I made a pink Twi'lek-- very rich and spoiled (or at least that's what she wanted people to think), also a talented enough smuggler. her name was Luura'blen and she had a sparkly pet vulptex (one of those crystal-fox-looking creatures). designing her was pretty fun. pink skin, darker pink/red freckles at the ends of her headtails, lots of shiny, pearly jewelry, and silky clothing. technically I must have used the Age of Rebellion core book for her stats (Force and Destiny doesn't have a smuggler path in it), but we'll call that close enough; it seems relevant to write about her here anyway.

some years later, we played an online Star Wars roleplaying game specifically with the Force and Destiny book. all four of us created young padawan characters who would ultimately live through the infamous Order 66. mine was Yahla Sota, a Togruta with golden coloring and a strong Jedi heritage in her family. for young Yahla, it was a privilege to be sent into Jedi training. she wanted so badly to prove herself worthy of that privilege. but in the end, after all the suffering and loss she endured, she couldn't always hold onto that happy trust in the Force. everything got more complicated than she ever thought it could.

the whole story was epic indeed, following us through training, building our lightsabers, surviving shipwreck, facing betrayal, and eventually fighting against the Sith directly. I wrote out a few segments of our adventures, centered on Yahla's perspective, over on this other blog of mine. that campaign was one of the longer and most satisfying I've ever been part of. and Yahla was a character I felt (increasingly, over time) that I could play quite distinctly and purposefully different from any vaguely-alternate version of myself. she was braver, steadier, yet more impulsive and almost vengeful at times.

the Changeling games I've played were small in scope, with relatively tiny, cozy stories. on the other hand Star Wars is built for sweeping space epics, and that's what Yahla's story grew into. big or small, both systems have given me very neat opportunities to explore ideas and circumstances and reactions outside my own experience.
  

aesthetics

underneath its vibrant, shiny, mottled deep-green cover, the Changeling book evokes a bit of creepiness-- it's not a hedge of glinting leaves, but one of menacingly sharp thorns. splintered bones. spiky antlers. every interior page is bordered with a Celtic-ish chain of thorns or vines. fancy drop capital letters stretch and curl ostentatiously at the beginnings of the interstitial vignettes. the tagline for this game invokes the idea of "beautiful madness," and there is beauty indeed, tinted with World of Darkness grime. 

parts of it feel ancient and mythic. other corners are more Grimm, marked with the well-worn wheel ruts of once-upon-a-time. all of it is a little bent, a little rusty-- unpolished and unpredictable. the ancient clocks of this enchanted place are looming and wrong somehow. time in the fae realms cannot be contained or measured like the mortals pretend. nothing works the way a scientist might insist it should. and those untouched by the wrenching trauma of an otherworldly kidnapping couldn't know just how evenly, how deceptively the glitter is mixed with the shadow, the darkness with the sparkle. inbetween-ness is a big theme in this system. you've been taken, lost, and you can't ever really go home. you've seen too much. your soul and your skin will always be a little twisted. a line from chapter 2 says it rather succinctly: "To survive is to carry scars" (p 98).

this game is a blood-stained alley leading to a hidden courtyard, a gleaming estate with endless gardens, where the most intoxicating music drifts through the air, where beautifully manicured topiary might dance with you if you ask nicely... but the overgrown path and tiny doorway only appear on Mondays during a new moon, only if you come alone.

this game is a dusty old cobwebbed attic with antique lace handkerchiefs wrapped around mysteriously half-burned scraps of sepia photographs, where your eyes chase imps and pixies around your peripheral vision, where your weeping waxy candle in its old-fashioned brass holder could betray you to the monsters at any moment.

 -

the vibe of Star Wars is more straightforward, I want to say. the book is colorful but understated, its type and layout mostly boxy and tactical-looking. but it's also got marvelous art folded in at almost every opportunity. chapter breaks come with gorgeous action scenes across a full spread, each of them with dynamic and cinematic depth. the end papers are panoramic landscapes of Tatooine's desert, and in one of the later chapters is a very awesome map of the whole galaxy. 


as you might expect, dichotomies of light and dark pervade this system. good vs. corruption, honor vs. selfishness. these tensions provide the core of Star Wars generally and of this book, Force and Destiny, in particular-- it's all geared toward Force users like Jedi or Jedi-in-training. the art and the tone of the rulebook contribute to a sweeping sense of destiny: every decision may echo with epic importance. we're all connected, after all. the Force will guide you like steady stepping stones across a muddy field, if only you trust it.

this is fairy tales in space after all. it's dramatic in a futuristic way, but the brushstrokes of action, adventure, and fantasy form familiar shapes with comforting trajectories: everyday people touched by something marvelous and huge that changes their lives, heroes-to-be discovering their destinies while navigating seedy hives of villainy and drudging through some version of a dark, despairing swamp, holding on to their light as best they can. 
 

mechanics

the mechanics of Changeling build on the World of Darkness system with added twists of whimsy and magic. we're using d10s again, with the same basic stats, merits, Virtues, Vices, and your character's attributes and skills will inform most of the dice rolls made to measure success at any given action. on top of all that, a changeling comes from one of 6 "seemings"-- the archetypes of faerie-ness (Beasts, Darklings, Elementals, Fairest, Ogres, or the Wizened) that influence how their looks have supernaturally changed-- and one of 4 season-themed Courts (5 if you count the Courtless as a Court, I suppose). Changeling-specific advantages include Glamour and Wyrd, both used to fuel some pretty cool magical abilities, like manipulating luck or disguising your face as someone else's.

as you progress and learn to control the wyrd powers instilled within you as a changeling, you'll learn more and more powerful Contracts and forge useful Pledges with others in changeling society. at character creation you get a certain number of these, and thereafter use XP to purchase more. 

choosing Contracts and thinking up Pledges feels, to me, a little like the rotes (pre-made spells) and improvised magics (anything you can think of and describe convincingly) of Mage. thankfully there seem to be fewer Contracts to choose among, most of which are limited by the seeming and the Court you belong to, which makes things a little simpler. Pledges, though, still intimidate me. they seem pretty hardcore in terms of all the levels of binding and consequence that can be built into them.

instead of human Morality, changelings measure Clarity-- how strong is your mental hold on what is real? how much has your magic use degraded your sense of self and continuity? living with knowledge of both the normal world and the Fae can be treacherous, but changelings know that the thorny paths inbetween-- the twisty Hedge that grows and shifts around the edges of reality-- those spaces and paths are useful, too. finding safe(ish) ways in and out is part of cultivating and maintaining magical power. the Hedge and the thorns are in large part what irrevocably changed you; you may as well bend that to your own benefit, and your allies, if you can.

 -

to create a character for Force and Destiny, you choose from among 8 species (including human) and 6 careers, each of which offer 3 unique specializations. these options will grant custom bonuses to your basic stats, which comprise 6 base characteristics, not too different from those outlined in many other RPGs, and 34 skills in which you'll rank from 0 to 5. there's also a spot for custom skills, just in case there's something your character might know or learn that isn't already represented on the character sheet.

whichever career and specialization you choose will guide your character's progression along a skill tree, kind of like the ones they have in video games. all the Force powers have skill trees too, with prerequisite skills leading up to more potent or more efficient options for each type. there are Force powers involving speed and balance, some for mind control or sensing into the future, and others for telekenetics. it's all really fun to see these in actual gameplay.

the skill trees may seem overly structured, but there are enough options among the species, backgrounds, and careers to keep it feeling open-ended and full of possibility. you've got plenty of choices for what to spend XP on, and plenty of in-game story reasons to guide those choices.

the custom dice are the weirdest part of the Star Wars RPG system. you can buy a custom set along with your rulebook, or you can use regular d6s, d8s, and d12s in place of Boost dice (d6), Ability dice (d8), Proficiency dice (d12), Setback dice (d6), Difficulty dice (d8), Challenge dice (d12), and Force dice (d12). that is a lot of different kinds of dice, with not-so-normal symbols on all the different sides. during structured play (like combat or other risky contexts where you need dice to decide outcomes) it's common to roll a combination of all 6 of the main types for any given attempt. and the dice aren't just measuring success or failure-- they also indicate advantages and threats from the situation or environment, along with moments of triumph and despair. you can fail triumphantly, or you can succeed with a touch of despair. I like all the narrative possibilities of that, and the creativity it encourages. 

in addition to Force dice and the points of light or dark Force energy  they generate for each player to use, there's also the mechanic of Destiny points. at the beginning of each session, players roll one Force die and add its result to the Destiny pool. light side Force points are shared by the players, and dark side Force points are given to the GM. each time either side spends a point to upgrade their dice or trigger something beneficial for their characters, that Destiny point ebbs and flows into the opposite side-- light side points become dark side points, and vice versa. it's a pretty fun and dynamic way to represent the balance of the Force.
 

approachability

I rate the approachability levels of these books and systems as average, and just about equal. both books are neatly organized and consistently designed, though the newer publication has a cleaner style that seems easier and more accessible for the average reader. but Star Wars wins a few more aproachability points, simply because of its mainstream-ness and because the book is self-contained, rather than an extension of a larger set of RPG worlds.

surprisingly, I found that the core rulebook for Changeling barely mentions its World of Darkness base. there's a few lines about it, but it almost seems like they expect readers to know and already be in on that half of the system. maybe that's a fair assumption. if you're picking up Changeling and you don't have the core World of Darkness book already, you won't get too far with it. it's also fairly dense, just in terms of tight line spacing.

the popularity and ubiquity of Star Wars content in the media today does potentially make this RPG system a bit easier for the average person. but while its overall themes and stories may be more accessible, that may or may not matter in terms of the heavy levels of detail and technicality offered by this rulebook. it's got like a million tables and charts for everything, from a 100-point morality ranking system with strengths and weaknesses at each level, to fiddly weapon stats and dice conversions. there's a lot going on just with the dice, too! during our long campaign, we had a Discord bot handle dice for us and it wasn't so tricky to get the hang of... but you've still got to know which dice are for what and why, plus how to read the results. it's math with symbols instead of numbers, which some people might find more fun that regular math.

thankfully, the design and structure of the Force and Destiny book offset the nitty-gritty technicality of it for the most part. a detailed table of contents, headings and subsections in a really smooth Q&A format, plus the more relaxed and open page design make the towering expanse of the system feel pretty digestible.

 

new characters

given my prior experience here, I simply made one new character for each system as part of my tournament process.

starting with the base World of Darkness stats of Briella Jameson (outlined in opening match #1, in case you missed it), I had to remold her concept quite a bit more than I did for either Werewolf or for Mage. in those games, a fully formed person meets their magical transformation with their eyes more or less wide open, even if they don't have a choice about it. but in Changeling, there's no choice and much of the time no awareness of this transformation until it's already happened. the Fae steal away children, babies, and shape them into whatever they may want to play with in or control out in the absurd expanse of Arcadia. the child might not realize until eons later that there's something wrong, that there's a somewhere they were stolen from and could, with enough effort and luck, get back to.

so for Briella, I rewound the clock of her life and imagined her as a plucky 9-year-old on a family vacation. alongside her mom and dad and older brothers she goes out hiking, learns some basic bouldering, scrambles up red rocks without fear, all along the way collecting sunburn stripes and mosquito bites in total innocence... 

until she falls...

...and the malicious, arbitrary, hungering Fae spirits of a mirrored mountain domain push her down even further, through the plane of our reality and into another. they let her fall through the normal earth and into a broken alternate world. the Fae contrive to put a cobbled-together replacement daughter, lifeless, at the bottom of the trail for her parents to find, and Bri herself is trapped away from them, groomed by her Fae keeper to climb and climb and climb, up and up and up and up, endlessly traversing an Escher-esque mountainside that extends forever into the corroded sky. 

when she eventually, painstakingly, barely sane, crawls her way out again through a mere splinter-crack in that magical mirage, it's impossible for her to tell how long it's been. through the horrible purposelessness of endless climbing, she has become like the earth and sandstone, her skin baked into a bright tan, her eyelashes and brows the color of sagebrush, her pale hair like bleached desert grass. I gave her an Elemental seeming (earth, if you couldn't guess) and membership in the Summer Court. she's forgotten her true name, but the echoes of it bleed into what she calls herself now: Jamie Scree.

 -

for Star Wars, I created a Zabrak named Proxa Tonaullu. she's from the planet Iridonia, where in ancient times the Sith had close ties with Zabrak high council. she's heard these legends and wondered what they may mean for her once she feels the Force awakening in her own life. I made her a Warrior with the Shii-Cho Knight specialization. Proxa feels called to greatness, ambitious to the point of obsession, but also merciful and kind when circumstances dictate. she's just 18, strong in mind and body, with green eyes, bark-brown facial tattoos in her family's traditional design, and two small polished horns at each of her temples. she is still learning to channel and use the Force, but she knows she'll be an absolutely unrivaled fighter for the Jedi soon enough.


preliminary verdicts

this is another difficult one.

like I mentioned, our Star Wars campaign from a few years back was above and beyond one of the most excellent games. it's a unique system and it was hugely fun to play. largely that's down to the other players being marvelous and of course dearest Jeremiah being great at running such things.

but then I've always felt drawn to the intricate ins and outs of all the faerie magics and mysticalness in Changeling, and I get pretty excited about the character design aspects of the system. I could spend hours and hours daydreaming, imagining all the cool looks you could give a Changeling character with this or that seeming, sketching and spinning little vignettes about all those little details and how they show up. 

yet I'm highly aware that, just as with Mage, my enchantment with the concept and aesthetics vs my actual experience with the roleplaying system might not balance out in the most practical or fun way. character design is one thing, but cool imagery in my head all by itself doesn't mean much for roleplaying unless I can fit it into the world of the game. the actual playthroughs I have done came with more brightness and whimsy than I expected (though perhaps I should have expected more). the wild, improvisational nature of RPGs strikes again, I suppose.

I haven't played as long or as much within the world of Changeling yet, so I don't feel like I can properly measure how well it lives up to what I think I want it to be. someday... if we can find the right roleplaying group and the right stretch of months for meetups, I might try to run a Changeling campaign. I have half a notebook full of setting notes and NPC ideas already. when I started brainstorming, I took inspiration from the show Killing Eve mixed with the film Primal Fear... who knows if that'll still work out if I ever go back to it. I should probably aim a bit lower and run some World of Darkness one-shots first.

so if I had to finalize this judgement today, based on gameplay alone it would tilt towards Star Wars. simple and mainstream though it may be with all that overarching light vs. dark dichotomy, its lore and world do still make room for plenty of depth and nuance. and even if the dice are pretty weird, that's part of what makes it so fun and unique.

 

next new one-shot: The One Ring

next match-up review: The One Ring vs. Scion: Hero

Tuesday, January 31

spring semester, 2023 + attendant miscellany

there's not been much of anything new in my courses for several semesters now... but at long last, this spring, I am teaching a very brand new course-- brand new both to me and to everyone:

HU 145: Themes in Humanities (the art and history of podcasts) 

HU 145 is a sort of catch-all lower-level Humanities credit, required of all students so we can make sure our pilots and engineers have some well-roundedness about them. I have specifically themed my version of this course around "the art and history of podcasts," because why the heck not. it has been so, so fun to plan for this little 100-level intro course. nothing like it has ever been taught on this campus. and maybe nothing like it has been taught anywhere, since I have been making it all up as I go.  

the welcome note / course description I wrote for students / the course catelog goes more or less like this:

This semester, we will explore podcasts and other audio productions from a critical perspective. We will practice our listening skills while examining the conventions of radio and audio production, analyzing the styles and genres of specific productions, and thinking carefully about the cultural contexts in which audio media circulate ideas and contribute to public (or not so public) discourse. Tracing similarities and differences across the history of recorded sound, we will discuss how audio media has been used to record historical events and stories, to foster fandoms and communities, and to shape or re-shape human cultures.
alongside two sections of that awesomeness, I've got one good old standard section of COM 221: Technical Report Writing. 

my students all seem pretty cool so far. it's early in the semester-- we're all still getting to know each other. I trust that learning is happening, little by little, in all of our spongey curious brains.

--

relatively unrelatedly, I'm gonna toss some recent photo bits in this post. do enjoy the randomness.

foggy winter morning, not long ago

weaving, upside down

red toenails, contemplative pug puppy

the sun and the sky and the mountains somewhere down near Tuscon

blooming orchid. light-starved succulents.


my first Tunisian crochet project: a shawlette of ruffles. (this is the yarn-- isn't it lovely?)

Friday, August 19

quests

one of my many indulgences this summer was the game Horizon: Forbidden West. I loved the first Horizon game when I played and replayed it some years ago. its sequel is just as great.

the art is most glorious, with characters and cultures designed so carefully, so fascinatingly. and most key of all, the gameplay is fun and challenging and relentlessly open-world. we get to play as the obstinate, fearless Aloy, the redheaded chosen one, journeying through the wilderness to literally save the whole planet, heroically helping everyone she can along the way.

I can't quite tell if Forbidden West is more challenging than its predecessor or if I'm only feeling that way because I've successfully beaten the first one twice but have only made it through maybe two-thirds of the sequel. who knows.

some weeks ago I did make it all the way through the main story, but there are at least half a dozen more side quests. maybe more I haven't even discovered yet. fingers crossed I'll have time to play more once the fall semester starts.

almost since the opening cut scenes of this game made its themes so beautifully clear, I've wanted to blog about the analogue between its plot-setting and our own impending collection of climate disasters.

on this version of earth-- far, far in the future--we venture forth to explore and fight and piece together clues amid poisonous red vines, blighted land, thick storms, and corrupted machines making all of it even worse. the communities Aloy encounters tell of ruined farmlands, deepening scarcity, increased violence among the western tribes. barren sand has swept over most of what was once Las Vegas. the sea level has risen to bury San Fransisco. the earth is becoming less and less hospitable.

the game reinforces these threats in mild but consistent ways for the player. if you set foot on the red blight, your character coughs and sputters, losing health points little by little. it's not uncommon to find the bodies of birds, boar, and other wildlife struck down by those deadly vines. when you hunt, you might harvest blighted meat just as often as rich game.

Horizon: Forbidden West presents an open world, with lots of choices about where and what you'll spend your in-character time and effort. but it has limits, too. structure. boundaries. edges-of-the-map.

in real life, we have fewer of those, in some ways. we have real physics and real mortality, but there are no big blatant textual warnings that "you are now leaving the play area. turn back or your unsaved progress will be lost."

in real life, the consequences aren't spelled out like that. not so neatly. not most of the time. 

... or maybe the warnings for us just look different. maybe they are somehow differently blatant. if we pay close enough attention.

aerial view of Lake Powell -- very low water levels 

in real life, how to prevent the worst disasters of climate change is huge and complicated and uncertain. we know we have to do something, but it's overwhelming to think through which exact actions are really the best.

how nice it might be if we, like Aloy and her determined assembly of allies, had a clearly designed path we could follow to save our planet?

follow these clues,

... learn these facts,

.... bravely collect these specific resources from these dangerous conflict zones,

... simply reupload this set of technologies, programs, protocols to reboot this essential system,

... and then watch the world settle swiftly back into equilibrium with itself.

that would be fun, wouldn't it? so rewarding. so simple. 

but games are not like real life.

yesterday I watched Mr. Hank Green walk his audience through the recently passed Inflation Reduction Bill. Hank Green is smart and optimistic and it's a useful video.

games are not like real life. nobody is out there handing out step-by-step instructions for saving the world. we are not disposable video game characters stuck in the gears of a predetermined plot. 

pros and cons, eh? we get no easy checklist of instructions for succeeding at this or that quest... but nor is our path set in stone. nothing written in the stars or the script or the code of the world no matter what. (also no completely malicious, evil, alien masterminds hellbent on destroying everything, either, thankfully.)

life is life. we have to figure it all out on our own. not easy. but hopefully not pointless. 


did I mention the art of these games is glorious? someday I will buy this art book (ooh, this one will be out next year to accompany it, too...) and be able to admire it all off screen.