gulf

so i majored in english because i believe in the power and glory and wonder of communication. rhetoric.

but i didn't vote today.

i'm just sitting here eating raisins.

i miss my catering gig. work today, at my lovely big desk, behind my lovely designery macintosh, left me fuzzy about things. just one of those tuesdays. it gets dark too early. i get hungry too soon.

catering involved communication. you radio the chefs with plate counts or else they march down to the ballroom from their kitchen and they yell at you. chefs like to know what's going on.

i like to know what's going on.

yet those political campaigns fail to catch my interest. the mudslinging and the debates don't seem important. i've almost deliberately let my voice drown in apathy here. what's up with that?

designing wedding invitations, is that communication? second-hand communication. filtered, dressed-up communication. client says names, date, time, place. i spill it all through my fancy design software. those colors say classy or playful or peppy. yeah whatever. (color theory is a hoax, we all know that). what any set of colors says to you depends on your perspective.

all these schema in which we live our lives. the patterns of government and society and relationships. they tell me i should've voted today. it's election day. everyone should vote. they throw out words like responsibility and accountability. i know. i know.

i have, perhaps, the excuse that this middle-of-nowhere state isn't home anymore. i'm leaving in three and a half weeks. my connection with this place does not extend up that high. i'm too transient.

but excuses are for the weak. i have to admit to myself that apathy is there, claiming its place as my greatest flaw, in more than just the realm of politics.