splurge

nice inky word. be warned, however, that my subject today is far thriftier and more conservative than the title implies.

time, we have established, is a noose. change is loss.

so before it all comes to kill me and my dreams, i'm going to... write.

i'm going to open up old drafts and force myself to either give up on them or give them to a publisher. right?

that's one idea.

i'm going to write. for the sake of writing. not for you or for your grandchildren. mostly for me and my peace of mind.
yeah.

i'm going to buy more notebooks. back to school sales should start next month, right?
right.

i'm going to put my feet up on my desk during lunch and start eating with my left hand so i can write.
and keep writing.

new drafts and old drafts. anything. fiction or non. letters and rants and essays and pointless. all of it.

what else will i need?

i will need a printer. a scanner.
i will need deadlines. i will need stamina. candle light.

and inspiration? every cold wet sleeting particle of it i can catch. right?

and... will i need ... readers?

bah, such a proud and austere writer as me cannot admit to a need of readers... can she?

but her presence here betrays her pride. her meek cover letters bring her low. yes readers. what good is any of it without readers? as good as a puddle with nobody to jump in it.

splurging on puddles isn't much of an expense. you can get blank notebooks for 10 cents. but this will be an indulgence, of a sort. mmm.