now and never in a jar

time is a noose
change is loss
life is pain


i just designed this business card for dear amber. i'm branching out into real life graphic design. this is rhetoric at its most meaningful, right? being able to do cool and practical things for my friends excites me to no end.

so this is the last week of my undergraduate degree.

weird.

i don't want to let go of it.

all year i've been meditating to the tune of "let go, let go, let go" and now i just don't want to let go.

well, okay: the exams and the stress and the ridiculous professors, sure. but the age of whatever it is. this time where i know so much but not enough. between all my dreams and the dawn of everything that hasn't yet hit me. it's the betweenness that seems so addicting, i think. the balance of now and never. the uncertainty that allows such hope and fear to coexist. that bittersweet mixture is already fading.

but i don't know. maybe it'll come back. maybe i can recreate it and hold on to it.

it's funny these blogposts never turn out quite like i think they will.