harshly divided

wake up.
shower.

work.

class.

work.

class.

home.

job hunt.

socialize.

homework.

sleep.


when I'm at work, catering, I operate in a very directed, competent, comfortable sphere. I know what I'm doing. I do it. I get paid. yay.

when I'm in class, depending on which class, I am not a caterer anymore, I'm a student. also a pretty directed sphere. sometimes I get spoonfed boring history lectures. (Alice Chapman, by the way, who teaches my humanities class, is insane). sometimes I get handed interesting problems and have to discuss them with interesting people. as a student I often don't know what I'm doing, but I'm allowed to pretend. I'm allowed to make mistakes. I learn.

when I'm at home I fall into comfortable habits. I'm just me. but even when I'm just me, I still have to think in terms of student and caterer so I can plan my little life.

and then there is the larger part of this planning... where will I go when i'm no longer a student and no longer a caterer? will I be able to find a single happy purpose for my life, some unified sphere of learning balanced with competence, or will I always have to divide it up into work, home, fun, and sleep?