Sunday, April 12
twelve: slip step
I have decisions to make about next fall. about the next phase. about where this academic funnel is really going to take me.
they feel like crushingly heavy decisions. (I wrote 'are' first. and then revised. 'feel like' is more true. ...unless there really isn't a difference? hm.)
somehow they will get made though. and they might be wrong decisions or they might be unwise decisions and I will most likely end up missing out on something or other...
no matter what gets decided, whether I choose this or that or try to juggle both somehow, or whether I flip a coin or throw a dart or take your advice, there will be some other thing that could have been. inaccessible alternate realities and all their teasing, rose-tinted fanciness.
but that's how everything seems to work. in pieces, in slices, where you can't see the other side and there is no way to rewind or restart.