demanding

it's monday.

my drive to work on mondays is harder than on tuesday and wednesday and thursday and friday. i guess it's just weekend recovery. something.

i put in straylight run and rolled down the windows. these days i always drive with the windows down. it's because of my secret desire to have a convertible, i think. (a black one). another reason i want a convertible is so i can look up at tall buildings and humongous mountains without having a silly car roof in the way.

anyways. straylight run.

they have a song called 'dignity and money.' selected lyrics go like this:

and they tore us open,
bled us dry of our dignity and money.

Keep it going one day,
a month, a year or more.
Ignore that sinking feeling.

And I focused on what I've been promised
and they tore us open,
bled us dry of our dignity and money.

We should've seen it coming.
We should've seen it coming.
We should've seen it coming.
We left ourselves wide open.

i'm not bleeding.
i'm not even complaining.
just making connections.

sometimes i like to be demanding. we're all selfish at bottom, right?

but as selfish as we are, we can only realistically ask so much.

life is demanding. selfishly?
no, just inherently. i don't know why.

and not just grown-up life. not just real-job life. all life. i'm rereading the autobiography-ish of c.s.lewis and got through most of his childhood last evening. in his writing he gives a very balanced representation of the demands of childhood, boyhood, and adulthood. life is always asking us to fit into some new situation or to make some important decision or to undergo some new pain.

as demanding as life is, we can only do so much.

is that balance?
is that harmony?

i don't see it. but maybe it's just cloudy today.

my favourite line is ignore that sinking feeling.

but they'll get to you. even the smallest most insignificant disappointments. they'll eat you up if you let them. the trick is to let them eat your pride instead.