making sure in a saucepan

planning is for sissies. embrace the chaos, right? you were put on this earth to screw up your life.

all the mistakes you make, they're priceless. they teach you things. they show you not what if but precisely what. and the most important, most fundamental thing they tell you is:

you don't know as much as you thought you did.

humbling. perfect. if only...
well, if only your mistakes didn't teach everything else the same thing. but of course the watching world, they see you mess up, and they learn too:

she doesn't know as much as we thought she did.

even more humbling. you were put on this earth? you were put on this earth to screw up your life? (what could be more humbling than that?)

and such a deadly opportunity is priceless?

are you crazy?

yes.

that's the trouble with expectations. things tend to not match up. you can dream your whole life about london and when you go there it won't be a thing like your dream. and how much do they expect you to know anyway? how many mistakes do they think you've made?

how much do you expect you to know? sometimes it feels like you'll be a good judge of how much you know. if only those dreams didn't look so real. if only they didn't take up so much space in your brain. if only they didn't paste over the gaping holes in your experience.

what? you'd choose gaping holes to look at rather than colorful portraits of an imaginary london?

don't answer that question.

just wait. you can visit london tomorrow and then put up a less-imaginary poster.

and if that one gets threadbare and patchy, go back.