emptiness and apathy

this time it's me that cares, though i'm not sure why.

i'm discovering, through my web projects with dr. smitten, dr. hailey, and chris okelberry that actually, very few of the people i associate with care a great deal about keeping up with webdesign standards.

so why do i?

i can't figure it out for certain, but i suppose it must be my obsession for novelty. my perfectionist side that wants to be just as good as anyone possibly can be.

now, in a world where standards change every day, this kind of obsession is probably not very useful, in general. maybe my superiors have the right idea, sticking more or less with the familiar and notsohorrible old ways. and it is also very likely i have less of an understanding of how the whole web universe works than i think i do.

a year ago when i was first learning about webdesign i felt in a constant state of both ignorance and enlightenment. it was quite strange how one minute i would be everso confident. the next minute frustrated. one minute in the light of new knowledge, the next in the darkness of confusion about everything i was learning.

and now the same paradox prevails, though slightly less constantly. and i start to think.... i don't have to go into web development as a career. my writing and design skills transcend that.

so many directions. too many for a coin.